Thursday, November 10, 2016

Presidential Election 2016

24 hours ago, i woke up from anxiety over the election. i had tried to avoid the news all Tuesday night as the polls closed and the votes were counted, but i figured 1:30 AM would be a good time to check. i was surprised, alarmed, and disheartened to see that Trump was leading in the Electoral College map, winning many battleground states by 1-3%. i couldn't sleep, so i read Nikita fanfic to distract myself while periodically checking NPR Politics' twitter feed, becoming more and more distressed as Trump's points racked up while Hillary's stayed in the low 200s. finally, around 3 AM, it happened. Trump reached 270, and he became the future President of the U.S. i lied there in bed, staring at my Kindle screen. i couldn't believe it. "this isn't happening. this isn't real. wake up, wake up, wake up. oh my god. how did this happen? how did we let this happen? how could you, America?" shell-shocked and upset, i got up and ate 3 slices of my birthday chocolate cake but felt no matter.

like everyone else, i didn't see this coming. none of the polls showed Trump at 48%; he was expected to lose by 3-5%. i had been worried but pretty sure, deep down, that Hillary would win. i had faith in America's decency and common sense. i believed that no matter how much people hated Hillary, they would see that no one could be worse than Trump, a despicable, racist, misogynistic, Islamophobic, fear-mongering, hate-spreading demagogue; a lying, cheating, crooked fraud who cons charities, students, businessmen, the government, and the American people; an immature, temperamental, petty little man who can't handle Twitter much less the nuclear launch codes; a disgusting, shameless, entitled sexual predator who uses his power and money to take advantage of women and boast about it; a big-mouthed wind bag showman who has no place in the Oval Office.

in the morning, i did errands, went to lunch with Dad (belated birthday buffet), shopped at Aldi, went to R's house and took comfort in my kitties, went tutoring, ate dinner, came home, and re-watched more Nikita to escape. i had stayed off the internet the whole day, but 2 hours ago, i finally logged on to read the reactions.

the tweets of Muslim women now too afraid to wear their Hijab for fear of anti-Muslim attack broke my heart, while J.K. Rowling's words made me tear up: "The easy thing is to keep your head down & let the bullies run amok. The right thing to do is to challenge racism, misogyny and hatred. [reply: How do we even move forward from here?] We stand together, we stick up for the vulnerable. We challenge bigots. We don't let hate speech become normalised. We hold the line." Then I watched Hillary's concession speech and started sobbing.
  • "Our campaign was about the country we love and about building an America that's hopeful, inclusive and big-hearted.
  • We have seen that our nation is more deeply divided than we thought. But I still believe in America and I always will.
  • Our constitutional democracy enshrines the peaceful transfer of power and we don't just respect that, we cherish it. It also enshrines other things; the rule of law, the principle that we are all equal in rights and dignity, freedom of worship and expression. We respect and cherish these values too and we must defend them.
  • The American dream is big enough for everyone -- for people of all races and religions, for men and women, for immigrants, for LGBT people, and people with disabilities. For everyone.
  • Please never stop believing that fighting for what's right is worth it. It is--it is worth it.
  • I know we have still not shattered that highest and hardest glass ceiling, but some day someone will and hopefully sooner than we might think right now.
  • And to all the little girls, never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world to pursue and achieve your own dreams."
I cried, not just because I was disappointed that Hillary lost, but because I was so disappointed in the American people, the divided country we've become, the hate that Trump stoked, and the fear that so many minority groups are feeling right now because of it. I feel like I've lost faith in my fellow man. And yes, I really wanted Hillary to be the 1st female president, because it's about damn time, and she's the most qualified candidate ever, and she's dedicated her life to public service but has been trashed, maligned, mistreated, and persecuted for years, all because she was/is a smart, ambitious career woman, a nontraditional politician's wife and a politician in her own right, a cunning, "unlikable", feminist and powerful public figure. Yes, she's made some mistakes, but they are always overblown even though they're nowhere near Trump's innumerable disqualifications. It's just so unfair, especially since Hillary won the Popular Vote even though she lost the Electoral Vote. Will our country ever change this outdated and unfair system? (can we at least implement Australia's "vote by ranking" system where, if your 1st choice doesn't get a majority, your 2nd choice gets the vote, and so on, until there's a winner? that way, there's no "wasted vote" for 3rd parties, which is exactly how Hillary lost, because those damn "morally pure" voters gave 5% to (terrible) 3rd party candidates and let Trump win, goddamnit!)

so now it's 1:30 AM, and i'm still breaking down into sobs while watching Stephen Colbert's last election night coverage. i'm on my 30th tissue. i have never cried over an election, but then, we've never had an election like this before, with such vastly different candidates and values, such fear and loathing of the other side, such high stakes for the future of America, its people, the world. *sigh* such disappointment. T_T

update: now sobbing over 2 letters from writers behind my political heroes The West Wing and Parks and Recreation. Aaron Sorkin, the genius behind TWW, wrote a letter to his daughter, promising her that we won't hand the next generation a "country shaped by hateful and stupid men," we will fight and get involved, fight for everyone's rights and equality and against injustice. then Leslie Knope from P&R wrote a funny, poignant, stirring letter to America, saying that we will not accept that we have succumbed to hate and fascism, we will keep fighting, thinking, learning, and working together. "He is the present, sadly, but he is not the future. You young girls are the future. Your strength is a million times his. Your power is a billion times his. We will acknowledge this result, but we will not accept it. We will overcome it, and we will defeat it." *ugly crying*

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